Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
