i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
