Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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