she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
