can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
