Midget sex pt 2 tonight
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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