I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
