I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
