I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
