My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
