haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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