So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
