sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
