Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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