I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
