dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
