So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
