There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
