Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
