**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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