Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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