So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
