You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
3pm strippers are depressing
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
