There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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