this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Drake has all the answers
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
