I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Drunk is not a location!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
