I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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