after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
