ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
