I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
