watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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