one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
