I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
