I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
being pregnant is like rehab
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
