i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
