85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
