I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
