Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
