Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
