There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
