A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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