Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
