Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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