He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
