Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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