Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
