pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
