He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
