my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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