She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
