Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
