either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
