I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
