Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
