I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
