Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
