so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
