there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
